Bad Therapy

When I was in school, we did the science experiment that I think every grade school age kid did - we raised Monarch Butterflies.  My first exposure to the process was in second grade.  Several years later we revisited the exercise and studied many of the biological details that comprise the transition of the monarch from egg through larva, pupae, and to adulthood.  The metamorphosis of the monarch caterpillar to an orange and black butterfly happens hidden from view behind the shroud of a gold-studded, green chrysalis.  As the butterfly emerges, it struggles from this confinement toward the freedom of adulthood.  Once out, its shriveled wings begin expanding as fluid is pumped from the abdomen into the veins of the wings.  Though we may be well intentioned, assisting a monarch in the process of eclosion aborts the fluid pumping process resulting in a permanently deformed and non-functional wing.

It seems that therapy is all the rage these days.  Not infrequently I run across ads online marketing online therapy services that promise to help you live a more productive and fulfilled life.  The individuals in the commercials tell a story that some aspect of their life was holding them back from achieving their fulfillment.  But thanks to the new-found relationship with therapy, they got their lives straightened out. 

In Proverbs 11:14, Solomon asserts, "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety."  Life is difficult!  Suffering is ubiquitous!  And for some the difficulties that they face leave deep and lasting scars.  It is often challenging to know how to navigate safely to smoother waters when your perspective is only in and not above the storm.

There is a legitimate and practical reason for therapy.  It is often helpful to lean on someone who can see with an outside perspective and who can help us find our footing.  "Therapy," in this context can provide meaningful benefit, and lift the position of many struggling under the weight of their suffering.

Unfortunately, though, it seems that much of what is purported to be therapy, especially in these internet ads, is an attempt to make up for a gap in resilience to meet the challenges of normal life.  It is paid ego stroking attempting to absolve the consumer of the therapy from the responsibilities (albeit challenging ones) attendant with adult living.  In these cases, therapy solves nothing and, worse, creates a group of narcissists who's greatest perceived asset for handing life is a throwing aside of difficulty and responsibility and embracing a perception of victimhood.

In this book, Abigail Shrier calls out this kind of therapy.  She makes the argument that misguided and misapplied therapy has untoward, iatrogenic effects.  Unfortunately this therapy is being applied broadly to a group of people who will suffer the iatrogenic effects of aborted eclosion – children.

Kids don’t come preprogrammed with an understanding of the world and stress management.  This comes through struggling through the trials in life and savoring the triumphs.  Monkey bars on a playground may be a source of skinned knees and supracondylar fractures, but they also provide a sense of challenge and accomplishment – not to mention much needed upper body strength.  Who’s to say that by attempting to avoid the former we aren’t iatrogenically creating a greater harm?  Similarly, life is full of physical, mental, and emotional challenges for kids.  This is not to say that the struggle of life is to be done alone.  Parents play a vital role as the ones that know kids best and care for kids most to be shepherds of the process.

There is a growing movement trying to disrupt this paradigm.  In education, John Dewey changed the concept of education toward what we have today – that is the prevailing idea that education is best performed only by those who are “Experts” in education.  The same thought process around child psychology has emerged as well.  There are advocates for a philosophy of child rearing by expert that is attempting to marginalize parents as mere procreative stooges that are ignorant of child psychology and incapable of properly raising kids. 

In the book, Shrier explores and critiques the growing movement pushing therapy on kids, often without parental consent or knowledge.  By approaching kids with the supposition that they are damaged individuals, therapy erodes the experiences and challenges inherent in childhood that help kids build resilience.

I found this an eye-opening book akin to her other work on gender confusion in adolescents, Irreversible Damage.  In both books, Shrier expresses concern that the elite, establishment understanding and approach to child psychology and development is actually causing more damage than help by crippling their emotional growth and development.  It's time to stop telling kids that they a screwed up and smoothing out all of the difficulties in life.

This book was helpful because it reinforces  and provides evidence for my firmly held conviction regarding parenting.  That is, even though I don't have a professional degree in child psychology, even though I am not an expert in developmental psychology, I know my kids - better than anyone else.  I have the only credentials that I need - I am their father!  Because of that, I am better positioned to successfully nurture them to functional and resilient adults.  After all, after introducing them to the maker of all things, isn’t my chief task as a parent to help them become strong, wise, resilient, successful adults?